I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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