When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
