everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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