That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
