i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
