I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
