I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
