Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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