I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
