what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
