u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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