Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
