Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
