Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
