I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
