dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
