Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
