We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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