Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
