Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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