I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
