Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
