Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
