dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Semen is not good for contacts.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Randomize
