I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
