I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
