youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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