there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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