Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
