Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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