Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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