What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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