He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
