just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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