ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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