Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
