No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
