Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
