he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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