There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
