Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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