You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
