nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
