At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
