I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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