Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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