Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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