i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
