I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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