Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
