I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
