just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
