Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
