There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
