dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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