May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
